🐶 If My Pets Could Leave Yelp Reviews (Spoiler: They Have Opinions)

If my pack (and a few of my clients’ pets) could get online and write reviews, here’s what I imagine they’d say—and yes, they’d probably use plenty of sass, snack demands, and maybe a little guilt-tripping for dramatic effect: 

🌞 Nina's Review:⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

“Loyal servant. Keeps my heated beds rotated, allows me to hoard my treats in peace (aka my dragon hoard), and lets me nap under 8 blankets. Luxury service. We just need more sunbathing hours. Will definitely keep around (as long as snack deliveries continue)."

🥓 Precious's Review:⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

"Five-star belly rubs. World-class bacon sourcing skills. Reliable walker. Top-notch at keeping my food bowl full. Docking a star because treat distribution could be more generous. Still my favorite human, paws down."

🎁 Mama's Review:⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

"Acceptable. Knows how to properly worship me with toys and fresh boxes to conquer. Understands that my chair is actually mine. Respects my dominance over the catnip plant. Warms my chair when I’m not using it. I nap. She works. It’s a good balance.”

🎾 Pets I Visit:⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

"She smells like snacks, understands the art of the good scratch, and knows how to throw a ball. Shows up on time and makes me feel like the center of the universe. Highly recommend.”

🐾 Of course, these reviews are straight from my imagination—but knowing my crew, they're not that far off. I like to think they’d give me four paws up (plus maybe a gentle reminder about the cheese tax). If your pets could leave you a Yelp review, what would they say? Drop it in the comments—I could use a good laugh!